How different this approaching winter feels from last. Last fall, I experienced a betrayal more profound than any I could have imagined, the result of which was that my view of the world and the nature of humanity shifted on its axis (along with my self-perception), and all I could see was darkness ahead. Seattle’s weather reinforced the state of my heart and soul as I examined my life from a shadowy place I never expected to know.
But in the midst of overwhelming darkness and intense self-examination, a curious thing happened. A new, tiny voice of clarity began tapping tentatively on my consciousness. I gradually realized that far from being powerless, I had been given an opportunity for transformation. As I struggled to repossess my spirit a fire slowly kindled that sharpened my clarity, reminded me of what I believe is important, and pointed out what I needed to do to honor that. Changes I had been considering from afar, in a “yeah right, wouldn't THAT be nice” kind of way, started to look possible. In particular, I realized that my heart was telling me it was time to go back home to California, after 38 years away. Not only that, I had the resources to make it happen, so I finally concluded, why not? Instead of letting the darkness define the rest of my life, I swung into action. Once I’d made up my mind, a series of questions that had been hanging over my head were suddenly settled. The answers helped smooth the way toward making the move, and four months later I was here.
Sometimes we need a pretty convincing push, I guess. I still think I could have done without that particular one, but even I have to admit that it served a purpose – apparently I needed to fall down a pretty deep hole in order to be willing to take the risks I had to take to follow my light. And from where I sit now, even as it fades toward the Winter Solstice, the late autumn California light still carries for me a promise of abundant brightness and warmth.
For that I am truly grateful.
