Last weekend was the first weekend in, I'm gonna say, more than a year that I could call "normal." Between the personal turmoil, emotional upheaval, and professional angst of late last year, followed by planning the move, quitting the job, making the move, meeting the gentleman, living in others' homes, getting the job, making another move (this time with the gentleman)... well, it's been quite a tumultuous time.
So I've been reunited with my stuff, I'm happy with the gentleman, we're in our own place, everything is unpacked, the sewing corner is set up, work routines are in place, and I'm delighted to see a Saturday-morning note from Google Calendar confirming that "You have no events scheduled today." You mean it? I get to have something resembling a "normal" life again, occasionally have unclaimed time to spend as I please? Wow! Cool!
But besides simply having the unstructured time, the other piece that has finally returned is the desire to spend the time as I please. Doing, or not doing, as I choose. I was in a pretty demotivated space last year, for a lot longer than I care to remember. My very presence had been stolen, and I didn't know how to retrieve it. One of the most visible signs of that was the fact that for a period of time before the move, I simply couldn't persuade myself to do much of anything I normally love to do. There were days when I barely left the sofa. I know why it happened. I wouldn't wish any of it on my worst enemy. But I learned a lot about what's important to me. There have been no real surprises there, only reminders and confirmation. Friends. Family. Familiar places. New experiences. My own brand of being creative (usually involving either food or fabric). Allowing myself to be vulnerable again, and learning to do it without fear. Through it all, many of you acted as Demeters to my Persephone. I'll never be able to thank you enough for searching for me and pulling me out.
I won't pretend to believe that now that I'm settled back in the Golden State, life will always and only be groovy. I've had too many calendar-clearing events in my life to assume that. But as we transition into the fall and winter months, I'm looking forward with hope to spending more time with people who matter; doing things that stretch me, feed my soul, and broaden my world; and leaving something good in others' lives.
I have so many reasons, both new and old, to believe I'm The Luckiest Woman On The Planet. I'm so grateful to be able to enjoy it again.
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